Grahiniwho wants to know.......
How To Be A Perfect Housewife!
Why be desperate when you can be a domestic goddess?
The modern British Asian woman will always struggle to become a domestic goddess. Itís tricky enough finding time to make a sandwich to take to work, let alone trying to pass ourselves off as seasoned homemakers. But thatís not to say we donít want to make our homes a warmer place for all who live there.Sometimes, itís all too easy to give up the cause. Even if we wanted to,what chance do we have of becoming model housewives? Certainly not to the standard of our mothers and certainly not to the expectations of our mothers-in-lawÖ So, who better to ask for some much-needed advice?
BEAUTY:To be a successful housewife, says Bhavna Gosai, mother of our Beauty Editor, Anjana Gosai, itís important to look the partÖĎSingle girls make so much effort to look good for two reasons: to feel good about themselves, and to attract the right type of men. Why stop taking care of your looks once youíve found that man? Itís no big secret that women feel at their best when they feel attractive and, however modern you may be, you will feel miserable if you think your man does not find you beautiful today. So donít let yourself go. You are not on the shelf anymore, you are prized!í
BEAUTY TIPS: Dress feminine in the home, rather than trashy Why not wear make-up in the home? It shows youíre happy to be home Book into health spas, beauty salons and the gym to keep your skin, hair, nails, weight and spirit in good condition. Remember to flash your prettiest smile when he hands over his credit card! Donít forget to de-fuzz regularlyÖ
COOKING:The best housewives arenít the ones that are sinners in the bedroom, suggests Salma Salim, mother of our Editor-in-Chief Shihab Salim, but the ones that prove themselves to be angels in the kitchenĎItís a shame that our wonderful tradition of passing down family recipes from generation to generation is getting lost. Modern women are always saying they donít want to be chained to the stove, but cooking is something women are masterful at. Itís nonsense when they say men are better cooks Ė name me one man that prefers the food cooked by the male chefs in Indian restaurants to his mumís cooking?Preparing food is an art. A home life with microwave meals and takeaways is no life.í
COOKING TIPS: Ask your mother and mother-in-law about their secret recipes. You will make their day as well as learn something that will wow your family Buy recipe books, join cooking classes and tape cookery programmes. Donít limit yourself to Asian food Ė variety is the spice of life! Food time should be an occasion - every day. Donít eat with the food on your lap while watching television. Put some nice music on and light some candles. Every evening meal will seem like a romantic dinner date.
HARMONY:If women are natural peace keepers, ponders Mina Zala, our designer Pariena Zalaís mother-in-law, why is it we are always accused of causing arguments in the home?If you ask a married man how he became distant from his wife, he will say: she nags me all the time! If you want to change your man, donít marry him Ė change him for one that you want. Men are as insecure as women; you wouldnít like it if he kept telling you he isnít happy the way you do this or donít do that, so you have nothing to gain by making him feel useless. Men donít like being told what to do. If you want something done, ask him nicely and show him love when he does it. Men love applause and gratitude! Also accept that when he says something isnít important to him, it doesnít mean he doesnít care Ė just that men are better at finding simple answers, while we fret because we analyse things so much. Instead of you stressing him out with your problems, allow him to relax you with his solutions.
HARMONY TIPS: Donít remind him of chores and household issues the moment he comes home. He will begin to see the house as a place where more work awaits him, rather than a retreat Men operate much better when theyíve had the chance to put their feet up. If he wants to read a paper or play a computer game, he will be in a much better frame of mind when it comes to couple time Arguments can be avoided by listening to what he has to say on the matter. A compromise can only be reached when both parties say their piece
SEXUALITY:The difference between a frumpy housewife and an alluring mistress, suggests Pauline Elsley, mother of our Production Editor, Richard Elsley, is that the wife forgot about the bedroomÖA man has to lie, cheat and spend all that money to have an affair Ė why? Because he gets exciting sex elsewhere, thatís why. Iím not suggesting you turn into a love slave for your husband, just keep up what you had in the early days of your relationship Ė not just for his sake, but for yours too. Sex is the one thing that separates friends from lovers; if you forego it,you lose the one thing that makes you different from every other girl he knows. Men are lazy Ė if they get it at home, they wonít need to go out looking for it! And donít forget, regular lovemaking minimises stress and encourages bonding, so if things arenít going the way you planned Ė lead him to the bedroom. Problem solved!
SEXUALITY TIPS: Invest in sexy lingerie. Be comfortable in your own home, but donít start looking homely! Donít let your bedroom activities become routine. Try different things together and donít kill the passion by saying things like: ĎI suppose we should have sexí Sex is a two-way thing. Donít always rely on him to instigate it. Show him you want it as much as he does Ė itís not your duty, itís your pleasure.
CONTROL:A man who does not feel in control, points out Vipul Sehgal, our Features Editor Priya Sehgalís mother, is a man who cannot be tamed There is a wonderful saying: women rule the world, we just let men run it! If a man feels he is not in charge, he will feel hen-pecked and resentful towards you Ė especially if he has friends around mocking him because he is under the whip. Whether your husband is the boss at his workplace or a lowly employee, itís knowing that he can provide for his family that drives him.í
CONTROL TIPS: Pin-point the areas where he likes to feel dominant. If he gets enraged when you point out an easier route when heís driving, let him get lost! If he is the main breadwinner, is it really so unfair to let him decide how best to spend his money? Ask him to explain his decision so you can appreciate his reasoning. This way he will listen when you have your heart set on something Men will always let you have things your way if he thinks he is doing you a favour!
CLEANLINESS:If a manís home is his castle and you keep it looking like a tip, says Kanta Varsani, mother-in-law of our Art Director Virchand Pindoria, donít expect him to treat you like a Queen ĎI will never understand why young women complain about doing the housework. Can you afford a maid? No? Then get on with it. Of course the man should help around the house Ė he shouldnít leave his socks on the floor and needs to know where the laundry basket is Ė but it is silly expecting him to do all the housework. Especially if he is working and you are not. Men are also not very good at it! There is no excuse for a grown woman to live in squalor. You cannot put your house in order or expect your relationship with your husband to go smoothly if everything around you is a mess.í
CLEANLINESS TIPS: Donít see house cleaning as a boring job. Put your favourite music on the headphones and, instead of shuffling from chore to chore, dance! Take lots of breaks. Treat yourself to some chocolate, a glass of wine or a good old natter on the phone with a girlfriend between tasks If you donít like doing the dishes Ė buy a dishwasher If youíre unsure how to manage your cleaning routine, ask your mother-in-law. We can tell you little secrets Ė like how you can make your whole house sparkle using just a lemon!
FRIENDSHIP:A relationship that isnít based on friendship, warns Jaya Shetty, our Editor Poorna Shettyís mother, is doomed for failureĎWomen are always moaning: my partner is always hanging out with his friends. Well, in that case, why donít you just become one of his friends? The reason a man prefers his buddies to his wife, is because he can talk to them about things he canít talk to her about. Women are notorious for pointing out a manís conversation is boring or strange, and this can put him off. If he realises he can go off on a tangent with you about weird and wonderful topics, he will enjoy telling you what is on his mind. If he feels he has to be serious and sensible, he will think about what he says Ė which will limit your chances of having a laugh together. But, sadly, donít assume you entertaining his wild conversation topics will mean he will be any more attentive to you when you want to talk about shoes and gossip!í
FRIENDSHIP TIPS: Make some time every night to talk to each other about things that arenít exclusive to household worries or family duties Donít deny him his friends. In fact, befriend them. But donít flirt with them! Keep your own friends so you donít become too reliant on him to provide you with a social life and entertainment Entertain his thoughts. A husband with a massaged ego, is a man willing to please Donít lose your sense of humour!