|
Grahini who wants to know....... |
Can men and women be friends?There’s a man, there’s a woman – they find themselves drawn to one another, the conversation flows, there is laughter and joy. We all know what happens next – we’ve read it in books, seen in it movies, heard it in a million love songs – they get lost in each other’s gaze, their hearts flutter and true romance blossoms. But in the real world, men and women are meeting all the time – at work, study and play – and romance is the last thing on anyone’s mind. Every time you are introduced to a male colleague or your partner’s old flat mate from college, your first thought is rarely ‘will we find love in each other’s arms?’ You’re more likely to be thinking: ‘are we likely to get on?’ Fact is, men and women do get on and sometimes it leads to friendship, very close friendships indeed. This does not mean that the ideal platonic friend should be pig ugly – it’s quite natural to find him attractive and the attraction to the relationship lies in the fact that neither party does anything about it. There’s always that edge – like in say, Will and Grace or with the cast of Friends – where the ‘will they, won’t they?’ factor adds spice to the relationship. Sometimes they will and there’s a happy meal for both to share, other times it’s nothing short of a recipe for disaster. The great thing about a successful platonic friendship is the trust factor – you can flirt outrageously with each other, fall into each other’s arms without the fear or hope that it might go further, bond in a way you couldn’t if you were boyfriend and girlfriend or even brother and sister. But not all platonic friendships are meant to remain that way – otherwise the
statement ‘we were friends before we became lovers’ would be invalid and in an
ideal world, most of us
HOW TO KEEP THINGS PLATONIC • You know each other inside out but there’s no need to let in temptation by getting undressed in front of him. Unless he’s gay. • Flirting is natural in platonic friendships, as is being open about sex. Avoid such conversations when one or both of you are feeling randy or sexually frustrated. • Encourage him to pursue other girls. If he has a girlfriend, befriend her. If you have a boyfriend, make sure they get to know each other. • Make sure he isn’t really in love with you. Many guys hang on to the hope that you might see them in a different light someday. Since you’re friends – it shouldn’t be weird to bring the topic up and clarify the ground rules. • If your parents disapprove of your friendship with a single man, it might be a good idea to keep him out of their picture. It’s great if they get on, they’ll rest better knowing he’s there to protect you – but if they’re going to have issues with him and you force him upon them, there’ll be problems. Romeo and Juliet scenarios are for lovers, not friends. • Learn to differentiate the love you feel for a boyfriend and the one you feel for a friend. They are both results of a connection and it’s easy to mistake one for the other if you’re not careful. • Don’t just do couply things together, like going to restaurants or sitting in and sharing a takeaway over a weepy movie. Go out in groups and don’t just talk to each other when you do. • Going on holiday, just the two of you? Bad idea. • Don’t allow jealousy to creep in. If he’s seeing a girl you don’t like or you’re hanging out with someone who he thinks is not good enough for you – discuss it like friends. Tears and tantrums over a third party are for boyfriends and girlfriends and should be kept that way. • The moment you stare into his eyes and suddenly feel something you shouldn’t, tell him. He might feel the same way or make a joke about it. Similarly, if he’s the one to bring the subject up – be flattered and understanding. It can’t be easy for him. There’s no need to fly off the handle and risk your friendship when open discussion can resolve matters. The objective is to leave the moment feeling better rather than awkward. |
would rather we ended up with a guy we got to know on a friendly
basis before we jumped into bed with him, right?
