Top Ten Ways to Support Someone in Being Their Best
One of the greatest responsibilities we have is to support ourselves and
others in living at our highest and best. Whether we're parents, partners,
friends or leaders, it's incumbent upon us to help others to live as close to
their unique potential as we can.
With everything we say and do, we're influencing -- positively or negatively
-- the people we care about. The ideal is to do this with consideration and
intention. Here are ten ways you can help others see and realize the best that's
within them:
Believe in Them
We all have self-doubts from time to time. Our
confidence is shaken. We lack the faith in our talents and skills to go for an
important promotion or launch a new initiative. Having someone believe in you at
these times is priceless. The stories of great men and women are saturated with
examples of someone who believed in them even when they didn't fully believe in
themselves.
Encourage Them
"You can do it." "I know you can." These are words
that are all-too-infrequently voiced. Sincere encouragement can go a long way in
helping someone stay the course. The more specific you are, the better the
results. "I remember when you got through your slump last year and ended up
winning the sales contest. I'm willing to bet that you'll do even better this
time."
Expect a Lot
We're often told not to get our hopes up. We're
encouraged to have REALISTIC expectations. But when it comes to helping others
operate at their best, we sometimes have to up-level our expectations. This can
be taken to extremes, but there are many times when a teacher, a parent or even
a boss has required more of us than we thought we were capable. And we've risen
to the challenge which enabled us to see further than before.
Tell the Truth
And tell it with compassion. We often avoid telling
the hard truth because we don't want to upset anyone. We want to be NICE. But
telling the truth is a loving act. You may be the only person who can or will
say to another what needs to be said. And you can confront someone without being
combative.
Be a Role Model
One of the best ways we influence is by our own
actions. Who we are speaks much more loudly than what we say. Don't think that
people aren't watching you. They are. And they're registering everything about
you consciously and unconsciously. We automatically emulate our role models. And
we're ALL role models to someone so let's be good ones.
Share Yourself
Too often, we miss the value of sharing our
failings. We don't want to be vulnerable so we hold back. In doing so, we
deprive others of our experience, our learning and our humanity. When you share
from your own experience -- especially your failures -- you increase empathy,
you're more approachable and you increase your relatability to others.
Challenge Them
The word "challenge" has some negative connotations.
The meaning we're using here is, "a test of one's abilities or resources in a
demanding but stimulating undertaking." We all need to be challenged from time
to time. Doing it for another is an art form. Go too far and it will backfire.
Go too easy and you will appear patronizing. Remind people of their commitment
to being their best and state your challenge. "I challenge you to overcome these
unimportant opinions and get on with the real task at hand, get the job done,
make the commitment, etc."
Ask Good Questions
A good therapist or coach doesn't tell their
clients what to do. They ask good questions in order for the client to
understand themselves better, to get clear on what the issue is and from there
to make good choices. You can do the same. By asking elegant questions, you
cause people to think and come up with solutions. They'll appreciate it. Gary
Lockwood has a good article about this called Asking Intelligent Questions
with Impact.
Acknowledge Them
You find what you're looking for. If you're
looking for the best in someone, you'll see it. If you're looking for their
failings, you'll see those. Catch people doing things right and tell them. When
we acknowledge the good deeds of others, they tend to do more of them. Write a
note. Send a card. Give them a call. Praise them in front of others.
Spend Time with Them
We love what we give our time to. By devoting
your most precious resource (time) to another individual, you're showing them
that you truly value them and your relationship with them. Invest time in your
relationships; it's what life is made of.
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